FORT MCNAIR — Female soldiers are now being told to be ready one hour before the actual deployment time, Pentagon officials announced Thursday.
The Biden administration has already sent troops overseas to search for new genders several times. However, each deployment was greatly delayed as women soldiers were scrambling to get ready.
“‘Just ten more minutes!’ they always yell as we sit in the hot plane,” a Lieutenant said. “And ten minutes usually means forty. We totally missed invading Kuwait in mid-July because many of the women wanted to straighten their hair that morning.”
The Joint Chiefs of Staff issued a statement to the White House demanding all of the women soldiers be given clocks.
Biden’s staff immediately agreed that was a fantastic idea. However, it was later learned the reason for the administration’s unusual excitement for the proposal was due to a typo in leaving out the “L” in the word “clocks.”
Unfortunately, the public nature of the announcement has tipped off the women soldiers to this tactic.
“Oh, I see. Well, then now I can’t trust you anymore! How do you like that?” Deborah Collins snapped at the United States military. “I’m seven months pregnant, and it’s taking me longer than ever to shave my legs. We can be a little late to bomb Syria. It’s fine!”
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