As the relationship between the US and China deteriorate, high-ranking democrats have reached out to Chinese President Xi Jinping for advice on the matter. We can report that Nancy Pelosi organized a conference call with Xi Jinping and Chuck Schumer yesterday afternoon.
“Thank you for helping us straighten this all out Mr. Jinping,” Nancy began the conference call along with a heavy breathing Schumer. “First of all, I want to apologize for the Americans intercepting your little science experiment. You know, we’re just such darn gluttons over here—gotta consume everything!”
Xi Jinping then demanded two things: One, that America rightfully accepts blame for ‘everything bad’. And two, Schumer click the mute button.
“Tell him press mute! He sound like baboon in heat!” Xi angrily shouted.
While Pelosi immediately agreed to both, she was still worried that Americans might feel a bit upset about how China destroyed every fiber of their country.
“I saw you waddle in kitchen and show off fancy ice cream to celebrity!” Jinping explained. “Do more of that! America love it! They forget about it soon!”
“Well, it was one of my finer moments,” a flattered Pelosi replied before screaming at Schumer to mute his phone.
As the call concluded, Xi Jinping informed the two democrats that all relations between the USA and China would be fully restored with a Joe Biden victory in 2020.