As many predicted, the United States Postal Service has lost their $10 billion stimulus check in the mail.
“Oh, here it is!” mailman, Herb Dover said holding up an oversized Bed Bath & Beyond coupon. “Awe, [Explicit] never mind. Now where did I put that…” he muttered as he dug through his truck.
Herb, a veteran mailman in the DC area, services the route from the US Treasury building to the USPS headquarters. Yet, despite the building only being two miles apart, it’s looking like another classic Herb goof up.
“Yep. That’s Herb, all right. Always making innocent little boo-boos,” USPS head, Meagan Brennan told The Glorious American. “It’s a good thing ol’ Herb’s just working with the mail. Nothing important, right?” she asked bursting into laughter.
When it was explained to her the magnitude of this lost check, Meagan informed us that close to $10 billion is misplaced every few weeks courtesy of the United States Postal Service. “You can’t kill the USPS,” she said in an evil whisper. “We can never die. Never.”
“FOUND IT!” Herb yelled from his truck. But after a long list of obscenities, he informed that he had actually found the USPS’s $12 billion check from the Bush administration wedged between the seats.
Update: Another stimulus for $10 billion was passed for the USPS on the condition it is sent via FedEx.