CHESTER COUNTY, PA — In recent years, America has been introduced to a new species of ballots that only come out at around 3:00 am. They’re being called ‘Nocturnal Ballots’, and many scientists believed they had gone extinct following the 2000 Florida recount.
The crew from Plant Earth has assembled teams to study the majestic creatures where they famously migrate to breed in Georgia, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Arizona.
“These magnificent ballots are one of nature’s greatest mysteries. It’s a bit past 3:00 am, so I think I see one in that tree,” a scientist said while carefully approaching the skittish ballot. “Come on down here, little feller. You should be with your friends in a secure storage shed marked ‘extra ballots.’”
Gently grabbing the ballot and petting it, the scientist explained that it was indeed one of the nocturnal ballots that are popping up all over swing states these days.
“You see these unique markings right here?” he said, pointing to the words ‘John Fetterman.’ “That’s how you know. Also, no date of any kind. By George, isn’t she beautiful?!”
Update: For some reason, all the nocturnal ballots now show signs of flocking to swing states for the 2024 presidential election.
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