NORTH POLE– Valuable time has been shaved off Santa Claus’ schedule as he opted just to use the Democrat voter rolls as his naughty list.
“We got down to the E’s, and Santa got this feeling,” an elf said. “He felt all these naughty kids had something in common. He demanded we cross-reference our list with the 2022 voter rolls. Sure enough, it was an exact match for registered Democrats.”
Unfortunately, the elves made the massive mistake of updating Santa’s delivery route with the purported addresses of all Democrats’ homes.
“What the [explicit]!? This list says there are supposed to be fifty-nine naughty democrat families living here! But it’s just an empty lot!” Santa screamed while in Nevada. “These people need coal, dammit!”
Update: After the Supreme Court refused to hear Santa’s lawsuit on the matter, Santa dropped a lump of coal the size of a Volkswagen on John Roberts’ house.
Give Us Story Ideas