As millions of American children are now being homeschooled, many kids are dealing with the jarring transition to their radical pro-America teachers.
“What is with Mr. Anderson?” 9-year-old Hanna Anderson sighed after another bizarre day being taught by her father. A normal school day for Hanna consisted of 1st period math, which is the counting of the genders. Then after lunch, social studies, a class where students are taught the trending anti-American hash tags on social media.
But like so many kids, her boomer rube dad is opting to teach her things like “history” and “science”.
“Everyday he completely ignores Colin Kaepernick’s Instagram feed!” Hanna grumbled. “And we never dwell on how America stole the land from the Native Americans. What racist things did Trump say this week? I have no idea!”
Experts are beginning to worry. If this continues, many of the nation’s children could become completely ineffective liberal democrats.
“School should be a place where a child develops deep resentment for America,” a local educator explained. “If the public school does their job, a child will one day throw a folding chair through the window of a Starbucks. Also, we want their dreams to soar as high as their molotov cocktails.”