Obama Spends Another Weekend Furiously Trying To Start Rumor He Went To Epstein Island Too

Obama Spends Another Weekend Furiously Trying To Start Rumor He Went To Epstein Island Too

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA — Poodle-enthusiast Barrack Obama has spent another weekend online frantically trying to start the rumor that he’s also attended the festivities at Jeffrey Epstein’s Island.   

Obama, most famously known for being a left-handed metrosexual, has become obsessed with being a part of the celebrity ‘cool table,’ but not once has his super American name been seen on any of the prestigious island manifests.

Under a Reddit post with the headline, Comedian Carrot Top Reportedly Went To Epstein Island 31 Times, Obama quickly added the following comment:

r/Half-WhiteSoxFan08: “You guys are burying the lead!  Sure, Carrot Top is hot, but I heard Glenn Beck say basketball star Barrack Obama went to that island too.  He partook in sweet, sweet intercourse with women, too, you guys.  Can you please tell this info to everyone you know?”

Barrack’s comment was not convincing and was met with the following:

r/TrumpWon45_46_47: “Obama?  The guy who sits cross-legged?  Uhh—no.  lol.  I don’t think he’s ever been involved in ‘sweet intercourse with women.’  He’s safe from the Epstein list.  What’s he even famous for anyway?”

Before a furious Barrack could reply, another user added:

r/BarronFor2041! “He got famous for once standing six feet in front of a basketball hoop and missing like 22 straight shots.  And I think he invented the scrunchie.  Regardless, no way he’d be invited to that island.  Now if there were a secret island where people played with Troll Dolls? THAT I can see him attending!”

Update:  Obama accidentally started the rumor that Michelle went to Epstein Island eighty-three times.

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