ILLINOIS — “What’s the matter with you, Grammy?!” screamed Chicago native Emily Rodgers at her grandmother’s grave. “Why must you keep voting Democrats into office?!”
Scenes like this are becoming commonplace in the state of Illinois as the local dead population continues to usher radical Democrats into office with their vote.
Polling data shows Illinois’ dead continue to be the Democrats’ most faithful voting block. Close behind are hardened criminals and anyone who sends their ballot in by mail.
With chants of “Hey Hey! Ho Ho! How do you vote?—we want to know!” growing louder, Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker was forced to comment on the growing protests taking place in numerous cemeteries.
“Well, perhaps if the Republicans would actually campaign in the graveyards once in a while, maybe they’d earn some of their votes!” he snapped.
“It’s just straight Democrat all the way down the ballot again, huh?” a frustrated Doug Swanson muttered while staring at his grandfather’s tombstone. “Now the state’s bankrupt, filthy, and in shambles. I hope you’re happy, ya freakin’ commie libtard!”
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