Gavin Newsom has finally snapped. On Thursday night, after reports that the campaign to recall him was approaching two million signatures, he frantically tweeted, “STOP THE COUNT!”
According to sources, Newsom was also incessantly screaming the same phrase as he paced his governor’s mansion. “Why are they picking on me? I’ve done everything big tech, and George Soros asked! I’ve closed all the businesses. I’ve closed the schools. I used extra teeth whitener! What more can a leader do?”
In California, a Democrat Governor needs 1.5 million signatures to force a recall, and seventeen votes in the unlikely scenario a Republican be in office. At this pace, the recall effort will end with eighty-two million signatures.
Newsom, who has largely ignored the recall effort until now, plans to unveil a ‘Twelve mask mandate’ that he believes will undoubtedly swing public sentiment back in his favor.
Thankfully for Newsom, the owners of the French Laundry restaurant have not signed the recall forms.
Update: They just signed. “I like his policies, but he always sounds like he needs to clear his throat,” the French Laundry owner said while signing the document. “It’s gross, and we can’t have that.”