,

Dyson Vacuum’s New ‘Democrat’ Setting Delivers Strongest Levels Of Sucking Known To Man

Dyson Vacuum’s New ‘Democrat’ Setting Delivers Strongest Levels Of Sucking Known To Man

“Ladies and gentlemen, we hear it from our customers all the time,” Dyson’s CEO James Dyson yelled into the microphone as he prepared to unveil the new line of vacuums to the whole company.

“We want the sucking to be more powerful, our customers say!  Well, today we’re gonna deliver!  A level that sucks harder than anything known to man!” 

As fireworks shot into the air, a massive black cloth dropped to unveil the new line of Dyson vacuums featuring the new “Democrat” level of sucking ability.

Understandably, the grand reveal sent panic throughout the company.  “NO!  NO WAY.  Way too dangerous!” screamed a panicked salesman.  Dozens of women darted for the doors as the CEO tried to regain control.

Trying to quickly prove it was safe, the CEO turned on one of the vacuums and jacked up the sucking all the way to ‘Democrat’.  The device then began sucking so hard it ripped up several of the wooden floorboards.  Like a democrat, it just wouldn’t stop as it kept lunging forward obliterating everything in its path.

“I knew it.  Just look at this thing destroying everything!” yelled another terrified Dyson employee.  “It looks like Adam Schiff up there!”

When word got out of Dyson’s new product, their stock also sunk to democrat levels.