MINNEAPOLIS, MN–After a conservative was discovered to be onboard, a Delta flight headed for Seattle was forced to make an emergency landing.
“I was serving drinks when I found out,” a shaken-up flight attendant said. “I’ve never been that scared in my life, and I’ve been in a plane crash before. Anyway, I was making sure everyone on board loved Michelle Obama before I gave them a drink. You know, standard Delta protocol. And this monster said the most horrifying thing. He said, ‘I’m not a fan of hers but to each his own.’”
The flight attendant immediately threw a cup of Sprite in the conservative’s face while screaming, “We’ve got a code red! I will kindly ask everyone to please panic!”
Still following Delta protocol, the attendant ran into the cockpit and abruptly pushed the yoke down, forcing the plane into a nosedive.
“Are you nuts?! You’re acting like there’s a conservative on board!” the pilot yelled.
After his worst fears were realized, the pilot guided the plane towards Minnesota and crash-landed into the My Pillow factory.
“Thank goodness it was a mostly peaceful crash-landing,” the pilot said. “18 people died, but I’m just thankful no one was hurt. Being a progressive pilot, I’m just way too tolerant, loving, and peaceful to share a plane with someone I disagree with politically. I’m just sorry that Trump supporter didn’t die a slow, fiery death.”
Update: Delta will now mandate each passenger show proof of a credit score of 550 (or below) to weed-out any conservatives from ever boarding again.
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