WASHINGTON, DC — House Democrats are being pressured to withdraw evidence in their case against Donald Trump after claims of his MAGA hat-wearing army of killer bears became disputed.
The bears, impeachment manager Jamie Raskin explained, had been trained by Trump to attack anyone who supports mail-in voting and all lightweight losers.
“Just look at this picture I found off the internet,” Raskin said. “This was taken only minutes after Donald Trump told his supporters, and I quote, ‘we tried the 2020 election the regular way—and look where that got us! So now we do it Trump-style. And that means I bring out my two dozen Kodiak bears to thrash and trash the RINOs and do-nothing Democrats! It’s tough stuff. I take no pleasure in this, believe me. But this is what the constitution calls for.’”
At that time, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez screamed in fear. “He’s right! One of those bears mauled me—a woman of color, right in the face! You would all see my wounds, but I don’t want to take off my mask.”
However, the authorities are unable to find proof twenty-four bears ravaged Capitol Hill that day. The picture seems to be taken from a little-known, left-wing satire website called The New York Times.
Update: House Democrats are now clarifying that Trump’s killer bear army is simply a metaphor for his legion of artic wolves he’s preparing to unleash on the Biden administration.
Give Us Story Ideas