During his bombshell interview with ABC, former national security adviser, John Bolton gave an emotional account of all the places Trump wouldn’t let him touch.
“John, I want you to take a look at this map,” Martha Raddatz said setting up the easel. Bolton, sensing where this was going, slowly buried his head in his hands with shame.
“No! No, John! You should not feel ashamed. This was not your fault,” Raddatz sternly informed. “Now, using this map, point to the places where Trump wouldn’t let you touch.”
Softly weeping, Bolton began placing red push pins in nearly every nation. “He wouldn’t let me touch Yemen or Ireland,” Bolton said. “Trump wouldn’t even let me have my way with Turkey! You know how badly a country called ‘Turkey’ is just asking for it?”
Bolton went on to say that Trump’s reluctance to let him begin ‘a couple dozen wars’ is a danger to the nation. “America could be losing the valuable muscle memory needed to blow villages to smithereens,” Bolton warned. “And I guarantee those nuclear warhead buttons are getting dusty!”
Update: With an insatiable lust for foreign involvement, Joe Biden is now considering John Bolton to run his new ‘Department of Offense.’