Recent reports show sales for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo’s cereal line to have curiously slowed. “PompeoO’s”, normally a staple on Iranians breakfast tables, are suffering record low sales in the region.
“Sales have plummeted,” explained the local rep. “I can’t blame the economy because we don’t have an economy, but something’s happened. Not sure what.”
Like most of Trump’s cabinet members, Pompeo was approached by General Mills with a mutual interest in signing a lucrative multi-year licensing agreement. The heavy-set former attorney is the kind of figure children all over the world admire. However, the children of Iran seem to be the exception of late and General Mills is demanding answers.
The Glorious American obtained Mike Pompeo’s letter to shareholders: “Listen, everyone knows PompeoO’s is my main source of income. So I’m just as worried about our Iranian market as the rest of you. I believe the 98% drop is due to a recent anti-sugar article that ran in Ayatollah Today!”
The slumping sales for PompeoO’s cereal are rumored to be hurting Mick Mulvaney’s negotiations with Kellogg’s for “Mulvaney Munch.”