Nate Silver Demands The News Stop Playing Laugh Tracks After Citing His Polls

Nate Silver Demands The News Stop Playing Laugh Tracks After Citing His Polls

NEW YORK– FiveThirtyEight pollster, Nate Silver has formally asked all the news programs to stop citing his polls and then immediately playing audio of people laughing.

“My polls are not some joke on a sitcom!  They’re serious!” Silver screamed to CNN producers.  “The Democrats are up 12 points on the generic ballot, and nine of ten people believe I’m super smart and capable!”

Silver founded FiveThirtyEight polling company prior to the 2016 Presidential election.  The name of his company was based on his data showing Hillary Clinton had a 538% chance of beating Trump.  He and his company have grown a bit sensitive about being known as the “stupid ass clowns” of forecasting.

Silver’s on-air outburst came while on Don Lemon’s little-known morning show, Wake Up With A Fruit. The producers played a 30-second laugh track after citing FiveThirtyEight’s poll showing 96% of Americans still trusted polls. 

And the pollster’s rage spilled over even worse when more laugh tracks played following a poll showing a majority of Americans believed Nate Silver wasn’t a virgin.

“The people demand my abuse be stopped!  By an overwhelming, 98% to 2% margin!” he screamed at Lemon.  “How dare you defame a guy who was voted ‘best hair’ in high school!”  

Update:  It’s now been learned that the new and highly accurate Trafalgar Group polling company has just been forecasting the opposite of whatever Silver’s FiveThirtyEight is predicting.  

Give Us Story Ideas

Real News Happening Now: