HOUSTON, TX–On Monday afternoon, the hundreds of Apollo Mission Control employees erupted with excitement when the Mars Rover discovered the first microaggressions on the distant planet.
It’s been well documented that planet Earth had run bone-dry of new aggressions–even the microscopic ones. Because the fate of the Democrat party relies on this precious source of energy, it was no surprise the Biden administration commanded NASA to scour the galaxy for new forms of victimhood.
“We did it!” NASA chief engineer said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Rover got up there, and then BAM! the tire tracks made a sort of a swastika-looking shape in the sand. We couldn’t believe our eyes at first, but we zoomed in, and there it was. We were so furious we all began throwing papers in the air and yelling the F-word. I’ve never seen this bunch so happy.”
The girl who famously screamed “NNNOOOOOOOO!!!” at Trump’s inauguration was on hand to ring in the special occasion after being hired by NASA should her services be needed.
But the scientific discoveries didn’t stop there.
During the mission, the Rover bumped into a rock roughly the size of a basketball. “Wow, that rock is just sitting there. Like a stubborn white male. It’s like ‘I’m here first and you can go some other way,” said a Non-binary, pansexual NASA technician.
Update: After liquid was also discovered, NASA has deemed Mars genderfluid.
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