On Tuesday Governor Gavin Newsom gathered his Democrat staff and frantically called a press conference.
“Come quick. I’ve just learned!” an out-of-breath Newsom said waiving the press members into the conference room like a third-base coach.
“I know many Californians are feeling our state’s decline and demanding to know why,” Newsom began. “But my staff has stumbled upon the answer. Apparently, all of California’s great liberal policies are being thwarted by THIS MAN!” the Governor yelled as a staffer held up a large poster picture of a pioneer settlement.
“Right there!” Newsom carefully pointed to a small spec. “That my friends, is James Anderson! The reason why all my policies are failing left and right!”
The press looked a bit confused.
“James Anderson was a REGISTERED REPUBLICAN! And he was a part of California’s early government!” Newsom screamed while pounding the podium.
Papers, laptops, and microphones flew in the air as the press shrieked and gasped in horror.
“Look around. You think Obamacare would be failing if ol’ Anderson wasn’t putting his boot on its throat?!” Newsome screamed. “And our two million homeless people in the streets—ALL ANDERSON’S FAULT!”
It is now settled science that James Anderson apparently planted elusive and complex Republican ideals all over early 1830s California government, which is still able to snag leftist policy to this day.