STOCKTON, CA– A chilling ultimatum has been issued to the American people from the nice folks over at the WNBA. “It’s either us or the flag,” Tahoe City Toad forward Charmita Daniels yelled into a microphone following an impressive 21-16 victory over the Stockton Seacows.
Unfortunately for Daniels, the game was only being aired on the little-known Razor Flip Phone Network (RPN) and only drew three viewers.
When the ultimatum was reported by CNN, another twenty-two people learned of the controversy. But once Fox News covered the story, actual people heard about it. And it looks to have backfired on the women’s basketball league.
So far, the WNBA’s demand has only seemed to alert Americans that they’re still a thing, and most people are calling for their dismantlement.
“Wait, the stupid WNBA is still around?!” screamed a furious citizen. “I want them gone. You have one day.”
“This is a very discouraging turn of events,” Palmdale Platypus shooting guard Shawnta Jackson admitted. “We were hoping Americans would dump the flag, but now us players are left wondering how we’re going to feed our families or pay our Motorola flip phone bill.”
Update: A game between the Wichita Wildebeests and the Beaverton Mud Boars was unexpectedly canceled after the gym doors were found to be locked. The players thought it was retaliation for the controversial statement, but actually, the arena staff just forgot that they existed again.
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