SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Golden State Warriors’ coach, Steve Kerr, had himself a delightful evening, totally surrounded by heavily armed men who also guarded single points of entry on Thursday.
“Ohhhhhhhhh, what safety I feel here!” Kerr said while stretching on the bench. “All millionaires should enjoy this environment if you ask me! Even when I go to Chicago, the supposed murder capital of America, I feel safe inside the Bulls arena too.”
But Kerr’s comfort didn’t last long. Soon he saw the Boston Celtics beat the hell out of his team in the fourth quarter.
“Hey! Don’t you see what these cis, white males are doing to my men of color?!” the coach screamed to the police officer. “Don’t just stand there. Shoot them!”
After collecting himself, Kerr addressed the media.
“This loss was on me. I was tired. I spent all week promoting important legislation that keeps cops away from schools. Can you imagine? A cop? Near children?!” Kerr asked the police officer standing to his right.
After getting some mild pushback about his logic, a frustrated Steve Kerr said, “If kids want to feel safe, they can purchase season tickets to Warriors games starting at $31,000/each.”
Update: Draymond Green played so horribly in game one of The NBA Finals that he has been red-flagged and is now being monitored by the FBI.
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