Shark Who Identifies As Female Swimmer Dominates Olympics

Shark Who Identifies As Female Swimmer Dominates Olympics

America’s heart was warmed this week when news broke that Sharon, a transitioning Mako Shark from California, was accepted to compete in the Summer Olympics.

But after it was announced that Sharon would be swimming in the women’s 100-meter freestyle, the bigots started coming forward.

“I’m not comfortable swimming next to a shark,” an Australian swimmer told the Olympic committee members. “It doesn’t belong in the water with us.”

“Oh, because you’re afraid? You’re afraid of this beautiful athlete!” they screamed.

“Yes. I am very afraid. I’m afraid that shark will try to eat me,” the Australian swimmer clarified.

For her remarks, this swimmer was banished from every pool in the world and was even forbidden from using her bathtub.

Following the historic announcement, rumors began to swirl that a Blue Marlin, the fastest swimming animal in the world, was also transitioning off the coast of Spain. When asked for comment, Sharon said it would be ‘ridiculous’ for a Marlin to compete because it ‘violated the spirit of the competition.’

Update: During a recent qualifying event, Sharon made a beautiful demand for inclusiveness by eating all the swimmers.

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