,

NBA Adopts New Washington Style Whistleblowing Where Fans Report Violations to Referees Via Hearsay

NBA Adopts New Washington Style Whistleblowing Where Fans Report Violations to Referees Via Hearsay

The NBA is known for being the most progressive and modern league, not rigidly fixed to tradition like the NFL or Major League Baseball. Take dribbling the basketball for example; once a staple in the game, it’s now been replaced with players tucking the ball under their arm and sprinting down the court like a running back.

So, it’s only natural the NBA announced they have accepted the new Washington DC style of whistleblowing. This hip, new policy allows fans to simply alert the referee of a violation with a mere suspicion that a rule has been broken.

“We believe this new policy will ensure the game will be called perfectly,” NBA Commissioner, Adam Silver explained in a press conference. “Even if the reported violation is hearsay, EACH report will be believed and our refs will blow their whistle—especially if it’s reported by a woman.”

As the season began, the new policy was tested in a game between the Portland Trail Blazers and the Denver Nuggets.

“Psssssssss! Hey, ref!” a Blazer fan yelled while waving him over to speak with him.

The fan leaned towards the referee and reportedly whispered, “You know it just kills me to tell you this, but Paul Millsap totally drug his pivot foot on that last bucket. Can you believe that?”

The referee loudly gasped in shock.

“I wish it wasn’t so but my buddy, Wayne told me it totally happened!” the fan repeated.

“Now, I was in the bathroom when it happened but my boy Wayne laid out a fact pattern which is consistent with Millsap definitely breaking that rule!”

“You know what?” the referee replied. “If hearsay is enough to remove a sitting President, it should be enough to disallow that basket. Thank you for your bravery,” he concluded before forcefully blowing his whistle and giving the ball back to Portland.