LOS ANGELES, CA– Some rough news for Laker fans as the team has announced LeBron James will miss the start of the season due to white supremacy.
“I just can’t play basketball in this racist climate. No one can, and that’s a fact,” James yelled to all his teammates who were playing basketball. “White supremacists are running a full-court press on people of color, and only back people can help us fix this. I’m talking to you Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren!”
Team doctors believe LeBron’s inability to play is more connected to a mild ankle sprain, but James remains adamant it’s because of white supremacy.
“It’s true my ankle is sore, but I’m pretty sure that’s because of white supremacy too,” James said. “Oh yeah, and when Dallas beat me in the 2011 Finals—if that wasn’t white supremacy at work, I don’t know what is.”
As LeBron rehabilitates, he has vowed to help raise awareness for the rising level of hate towards Asians.
“If they were allowed to read the news, they’d be horrified at their mistreatment. But they need to keep focused on making my shoes,” LeBron said. “It’s better this way. Let me worry about raising awareness with my massive Twitter following, and they can keep their heads down and never stop working for Nike and me.”
Update: LeBron’s shoe sales dipped slightly last quarter, and many assumed the basketball star would blame the slump on white supremacy. However, James said his slaves overseas should ‘take personal responsibility for their failure’ and have ‘no one to blame but themselves.’
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