LOS ANGELES, CA— NBA arenas have seen a steady stream of fans holding large signs reading “FLJ,” and LeBron James wants the league to get to the bottom of it.
“I’ve never seen these before, but now we’re seeing them at every game,” LeBron said following a 132-81 loss to the Orlando Magic. “The signs seem to only be at the games I’m playing in too. And people are screaming ‘FLJ’ in my face wherever I go. I demand the NBA do a full investigation. I told them, even if this costs millions, we must learn what FLJ means.”
Naturally, league officials released a statement of their findings, without any influence from China:
“You may have notice sum ting wong at NBA game. No worry, ‘FLJ’ retters stand for ‘Fhilanthropist, LeBron James! American just ruv how fhilanthropic LeBron is. He always inresting in such wise things like shark aquariums, TikTok, and the ‘Biden For re-arection’ campaign. But if we see anyone with FLJ sign again, we put you in jail long time!”
Update: China has politely asked Merriam-Webster to officially change the spelling to “Fhilanthropist” or be killed.
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