El SEGUNDO, CA– If you’re a red-blooded American, you’re always worried about LeBron James’ well-being. You can’t stand to see him suffer. But that’s exactly what’s happening after the Lakers star forgot to stretch before virtue signaling earlier this week.
“LeBron James will miss at least two weeks after an incident occurred during his daily press conference praising China,” a Lakers trainer told the media. “He failed to stretch, and his head went directly up his ass again. We want our fans to know; we are working around the clock to remove it.”
Before the incident, James explained to the press that the Chinese people should continue ‘the honor’ of making his shoes for .31 cents per day because ‘like Germany,’ that country has never done anything bad to harm us.
As LeBron is set to miss time, his Akron-based school “I Promise To Do Gooder Academy” is worried their funding could be affected.
“LeBron must remember to stretch! We’ve been showing the kids Space Jam 2: A New Pay Check on a loop since September,” Principle Dwyane Wade screamed. “The Blu-ray is worn down, and we need a new one!”
Update: Thankfully for the Lakers, the strong and capable Enes Kanter Freedom was in the building, and he was able to pull James’ head from his ass.
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