Socialist sports fans everywhere are praising LeBron James’ triumphant efforts to finally bring equality in the ratings between the NBA and the WNBA.
“Long overdue,” James said as he accepted the NBA’s Award for Social Solitude, or ASS. “The queens in the WNBA needed help. So I stood up. Well technically, I knelt down. But I’m like Michael Jordan with my ability to focus. Except Jordan’s whole thing was winning championships, and mine is being a warrior of justice.”
James believes he’s the NBA ASS of the year because of his keen ability to know what the people want in sporting events.
“For one thing, Americans everywhere hate the police,” James informed the media as police guarded his press conference. “Oh! And Americans love an underdog. Who’s more of an underdog than violent rapists?” he asked.
“You in all the NBA finals,” a reporter answered.
“SHOOT HIM WITH YOUR GUN!” LeBron reflectively yelled to the cops while his handlers tried to calm him down.
With over 80% of the league being black, many are wondering if LeBron will take on the league’s racial inequality next.
“It’s a huge problem. I promise to do my best to bring about racial equality by abolishing all the white people by the end of next season,” LeBron said.
Update: As the ASS of the year ceremony concluded, LeBron yelled, “Hey, wait a minute! This trophy has a little ‘made in China’ sticker on it!”
“Yep! Just how you like it!” Commissioner, Adam Silver said as James squealed and hugged him with excitement.