Feminist Sprinter Refuses To Take Baton On The Grounds It Looks Like A Penis

Feminist Sprinter Refuses To Take Baton On The Grounds It Looks Like A Penis

EUGENE, OR — Claiming it ‘looked like a penis’, feminist track star, Ebony Jackson refused to grab the baton from her teammate during Wednesday’s 400-meter relay race.

The athlete’s brave stand sent the Olympic tryout event into a tizzy as fellow team USA participants hopped around Ebony, begging her to take it and finish the race.

“No! I’m not touching that thing! Reminds me of a penis! Get it away from me!” Jackson yelled, ducking and dodging the baton. “Women don’t need that thing to win this race!”

Eventually, event officials approached the girls and asked what they were being hysterical about this time. Ebony Jackson was informed that, much like in sports that people actually care about, a penis-looking thing was, in fact, required.

Following the controversy, Olympic officials are open to changing the phallic-like baton, and some great ideas have popped up.

Banana-shaped batons are being considered as well as an object resembling Jeff Bezos’ famous rocket. And if feminists really demand a departure from the traditional shape, sprinters might pass two golf balls to their teammates.

The global conversation highlighting how a baton looks like a penis has resulted in the men’s relay team also refusing to touch the object.

Update: Kamala Harris is now demanding she participates in the race.

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