After all the talk of transgender athletes dominating everything, the Biden administration decided it was time to leverage that to their advantage. So on Tuesday, Tiffany ‘The Tank’ Rooney was brought in to dominate the press, and she didn’t disappoint.
“Tiffany, about the vaccine, what percentage of the pie will go to people over the age of 65?” a reporter asked. “The only pie we’re concerned with is the pie hole on your fat face!” The Tank shouted back. “Keep it shut!”
Another reporter questioned Biden’s lifting of sanctions on Iran, and Tiffany took great offense. “You’re saying I can’t lift? I can out bench press anyone in this room!” she said before somehow pulling a dodgeball from behind the podium and pelting the reporter in the face with it.
Despite Tiffany doling out physical and verbal punishment during the press briefings, the shift away from Jen Psaki was still considered a welcomed change.
Psaki had routinely claimed she couldn’t answer math-based questions because her calculator is solar-powered and ‘it’s cloudy outside.’
“I asked her how she was doing last week, and she told me she’d have to ‘circle back,’ so I don’t think she’s up for the job,” a reporter commented.