SeaWorld Cancels Orca Show, Daily Wire Immediately Hires Shamu

SeaWorld Cancels Orca Show, Daily Wire Immediately Hires Shamu

NASHVILLE, TN–The Daily Wire’s habit of hiring anyone who gets canceled continued Wednesday when founder Jeremy Boreing signed Shamu after SeaWorld said they’d be ending their orca show. 

The whale’s firing came after a multi-year legal battle centered around Black Lives Matter claiming the animal was black, while the state of Utah argued it was white. SeaWorld demanded Shamu issue an apology, but the whale only made what they determined to be an ‘insensitive’ clicking sound followed by a slow glide around his tank with his belly exposed— the same defiant behavior Disney accused Gina Carano of. 

“When I see companies like SeaWorld fire a killer whale, all I see is a killer deal!” Boreing yelled to his staff. “So, starting on Tuesday or something, The Daily Wire will be opening ‘ConservaTank Nashville’! The first aquarium featuring only marine life that shares your values. Don’t you deserve to see an otter who’s not being a total woke a**hole? Isn’t it time to pet a sea turtle that’s had its shell removed so it can’t hide from debate like a coward? If so, ConservaTank will be a hit!” 

Shapiro, who is both astonished and astounded at the idea of working alongside a whale, is demanding Shamu earn his contract by co-hosting a podcast with Michael Knowles titled Blubber Meets Road.

Update: After the Shamu deal, another four-ton entertainer became available for hire, but Jeremy Boreing said The Daily Wire had no interest in hiring Rosie O’ Donnell at this time.


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