Juan Williams has signed a five-year extension with Fox News to be a complete idiot the news giant reported this week.
Fox News released a statement explaining how important Williams is to the network, particularly The Five. “The Five is about showing the perspective of all Americans. And because a ton of Americans are complete idiots, Juan giving them a voice each day is essential,” the statement read.
“It was a no-brainer!” Williams told The Glorious American. “My agent asked me if I wanted to renew my contract and I said: ‘guess what?… I do!”
FNC believed that because Williams relentlessly humiliates himself each day, the negotiations would be much tougher to ink a new deal. “Nope, he just signed the first thing we presented him,” Rupert Murdoch commented. “In fact, at first he signed the table before we could slide the offer in front of him.”
Like his previous contract, Williams’ agent was able to add a clause that mandates Chris Wallace pretend Juan is smart for one hour a week during Fox News Sunday.