After stumbling across some Ben Shapiro ‘thug life’ videos, Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg made the startling observation that the conservatives he hates so much are actually the coolest people on his website.
After carefully observing how conservatives were communicating on other websites, Zuckerberg gathered his top programmers so changes could be made.
“Alright, listen up, you stupid pack of…libtards,” Zuckerberg said, glancing at his notes. “Did anyone else here know that conservatives were all total badasses? Why aren’t they having fun on Facebook?!
After several moments of silence, someone slowly raised their hand.
“Yes, you raising your hand like a scared snowflake,” Zuckerberg said, pleased with his new persona.
“The conservatives are not having fun on Facebook because we spend 3/4ths of our budget finding and removing their memes, sir. We spend so much on that, we can’t even afford chairs,” she said, pointing to everyone sitting on the conference room floor.
“Well, that ends today,” Zuckerberg said. “I demand we immediately take a freedom approach. I’m talking Jordan-Peterson-playing-quarterback-for-the-Dallas-Cowboys-while-not-wearing-a-mask type freedom!”
Bitter with their bosses’ new attitude, the Facebook engineers simply added a link to Parler and continued to kick the conservatives into Facebook jail behind Zuckerberg’s back.
(Don’t forget to follow us on Parler @TheGloriousAmerican)