Please take a moment to look at the picture above. If this man looks familiar, please alert the Vermont authorities.
This man has been combing Vermont’s Chittenden County neighborhoods, swiping packages off of porches left and right.
Package thieves, or “porch pirates”, are common in Vermont but this particular thief represents the top 1% in his abilities to steal and evade law enforcement.
“It’s unbelievable. This guy is just trying to take everyone’s stuff all day, every day—and in broad daylight, too!” Officer Peters told The Glorious American.
After he scurries out of the camera’s view, he can often be heard saying, “That’s for not paying a dime in taxes, Amazon!”
On Wednesday presidential hopeful, Bernie Sanders was asked about his home state’s uptick in crime.
“Oh goodness, yes. I heard about this,” Sanders said softly. “While I think what’s happening is despicable, understand this; when you order something twice, you’re putting our economy into hyper-drive. This is how sustainable economies are created. By doubling commerce! Also, on an unrelated note, enough with the HDMI cables, Vermont! ”
Update: Most of the citizens in Vermont now believe the culprit to be Donald Trump.