Twitter has found itself in hot water after adding “FALSE! WHATEVER REPUBLICANS SAY IS WRONG—TRUST US!” under the president’s tweet that read: “Good Morning, America!”
With Twitter now openly campaigning for the Democrats, legal experts are explaining the company has officially crossed over from being a “platform” into being a bunch of “pantywaists.” This change in status could mean legal trouble.
“I wanted to address the public because I’ve recently learned that lawsuits may threaten to take away some of my money,” Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey explained to a group of top investors. “I just want to tell all the Republicans who are planning on suing me: Please don’t. You have no idea how much I want to keep all of my money,”
Sensing his comments were falling flat, Dorsey tried another approach.
“Hey, the thing about Twitter is, ya know, we treat both sides of the political aisle equally.”
The room erupted in laughter with many attendees needing to catch their breath and change into fresh pants.
Once things had settled down, the frustrated CEO stood up and boldly announced that Twitter will now fact-check Joe Biden too. As the group was stunned into silence, Dorsey grabbed his phone and flipped to Joe Biden’s account.
“Yeah! Ok, yeah. Take this latest tweet from Biden for example,” he timidly began. “Our leg hair knows Trump is the raven’s roar. I for one won’t lead flapjacks to Corn Pop’s house without a facemask! And if you don’t know that—you ain’t black!”
Confused and panicked, the CEO nervously explained he was legally forbidden to disagree with anything a Democrat says. However, his team would begin vigorously fact-checking the former VP should they ever decode one of his thoughts.