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Today Marks 5 Year Anniversary Of Trump Pardoning Prison Mike

Today Marks 5 Year Anniversary Of Trump Pardoning Prison Mike

WASHINGTON, DC — It was a tearjerker on the White House lawn as President Trump announced the pardon of the infamous thief and kidnapper known as Prison Mike.  That was five years ago today.

“Get up here, Mike!” Trump famously yelled at the criminal currently on parole. “Ya know, a lot of people tell me I should never forgive you for kidnapping Barron,” the President said, putting his arm around him. “But I’m in a good mood today! Consider yourself pardoned!” Trump exclaimed.

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“I’m Prison Mike!” the criminal yelled, grabbing the microphone and startling the press.

“Prison Mike?” ABC’s John Karl began. “What’s the very, very worst thing about prison?”

The convict paused for a moment, appearing to become emotional. “Being away from nice people like this man,” Mike said, grabbing Trump’s arm.

“You guys are always complaining about this man, but ya know what? This place is freakin’ awesome, and ya boss is nice!” he yelled to the press. “You gotta treat him better!”

“Uuuh, he’s not our boss,” Karl muttered.

“You gotta good life,” Prison Mike said tearfully. “You’ve gotta good life.”

Later, Prison Mike shared the puzzling fact that despite his sentencing and time served, the police never actually caught him for his crimes. Trump quickly instructed him to move along before he changes his mind.

“Tanks!” Prison Mike shouted back.

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