Despite calling a lid until the day of his inauguration, a rascally reporter brazenly came within one hundred yards of Joe Biden on Tuesday.
“Shoot ‘em in the leg!” Biden screamed as the man sprinted away in terror. “C’mon, man! Trying to ask me a question without my trusty teleprompter? Someone responsibly blast his leg off!”
Biden’s security guards were successful and the leg was later found in the yard.
“Would you like us to mount it above the fireplace with the others?” a guard asked the former Vice President.
“Sure. I’m just glad nobody was hurt,” Biden said. “I just don’t know why this country still allows guns. There are some real nut jobs out there.”
Some of Joe’s staff suggested that in the wake of Hunter’s laptop exposing the family’s international crime ring, they may want to limit the number of cold-blooded murders the Biden campaign commits until after the election.
“If we didn’t shoot that man’s leg off, all of tomorrow’s headlines would be about how a reporter abused me and walked away to tell the tale,” Biden told his staff. “What kind of dangerous message would that have sent?”
When the one-legged reporter hopped back to show the other media members what had happened, he was met with great scorn.
“What are you, crazy? Questions make Joe uncomfortable!” Jake Tapper yelled before slapping the reporter. “You’re just lucky he used the classic Biden gun-safety protocol and no one was hurt.”