Portland City Council has officially outlawed all fondue fountains citing they promote the dangerous idea of trickle-down economics.
As expected, many Portlanders are in favor of the ban. “As we all know, a person growing a business to the point where others experience employment opportunities is preposterous,” said Starbucks employee, Carly Nash.
The unanimous decision was made after a Portland man attended a wedding, saw the machine and made a horrifying analogy linking the cascading chocolate with a near full employment rate. The man was arrested and those who heard his comments remain in critical condition.
Each citizen will be required to bring all fondue machines to Portland’s Pioneer Square for a mass burning of the hazardous devices.