Since March Splash & Stuff, a waterpark famous for its buffet, has been closed to the public. But on Wednesday, a clearly intoxicated Pelosi called the owner and demanded the park be opened for her 4 pm dinner.
“The waterslides were bone dry and we’ve not restocked the buffet for months. But she just kept yelling that she wanted a whirl on the Aqualoop and a plate full of mac and cheese,” the owner explained. “I had to fully re-open the entire park in only a few hours. I told her no, but she told me she’d literally rip my face off.”
“Oh, waterpark buffets are closed?” An annoyed Pelosi asked in a press conference. “Well, it’s clear this was a setup. I was tricked. I was told members of the staff wanted to see me in a bathing suit. They said it was a safe place.”
“No. It’s the opposite. People are asking me to burn down all the rides she went on,” the park owner told Tucker Carlson. “And most of our Hispanic crew will never come back because they think the park is now haunted by a ‘skeleton ghost’.”
Update: When news reports surfaced that Pelosi was seen having a blow-out at a salon, she drew compassion from Rep. Eric Swalwell. “I feel for her. Sometimes you just have a blowout. I pray she keeps a fresh pair of pants handy like I do.”