WASHINGTON, D.C.–An odd development unfolded during the FBI’s company picnic Thursday. All criminal activity from dangerous Trump supporters sharply ceased precisely during the annual event.
Even small offenses like spraypainting ‘Yay for Hitler!’ on college campuses and writing ‘I don’t tip those who look different than me!’ on receipts also abruptly ended during the picnic hours.
As details continue to unfold, strange travel patterns are emerging. Specifically, the forty-two Trump supporters who were plotting to kidnap Stacey Abrams all traveled from Georgia to Washington D.C. the morning of the picnic. Curiously, many of them were seen grabbing things like chili ingredients and sunscreen after landing.
In all fifty states, travel patterns showed suspicious Trump supporters were heading to our nation’s capital. This raised the question: Were thousands of Trump supporters secretly coalescing around the FBI’s heroic men and women?
“Ya know, I agree it’s weird, but I think we should just forget about it and have a burger,” FBI Director Christopher Wray said when asked about the colossal coincidence. “Again, it’s critical you just forget about this!”
In a related story, every single FBI agent was caught cheating in the three-legged race. However, it was later learned that all the agents were informants to see if anyone else would cheat.
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