As America’s economy tumbles, the US Treasury has finally made the announcement many anticipated: My Pillow will officially replace the dollar as US currency.
“Well, I think the dollar had a good run,” President Trump told the press. “But in these times of uncertainty, we need to rely on something with intrinsic value that’s recognized all over the globe. Also, it’s perhaps the fluffiest currency–maybe ever, people are saying.”
Government officials are encouraging banks to throw any physical dollars in the garage can and begin cramming hundreds of My Pillows into their vaults.
To get an idea of how your new reality will look, The Glorious American can report the following prices:
· Snickers Bar: 1 My Pillow
· 3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Bath, 2,500sf House in Spokane, WA: 325,000 My Pillows (or 109,000 My Pillow Mattress Toppers)
· My Pillow Classic / Queen double-pack: 2 My Pillows
Update: Mike Lindell is now being accused of ‘overstuffing’, a tactic that can lead to inflation. He has been fined 4 king sets of Giza sheets and is being closely monitored.