Frustrated his story wasn’t being covered, Tony Bobulinski finally dressed up as Christine Blasey Ford and like clockwork, herds of media members flocked to his side.
“Oh, my word! I think that’s Blasey Ford about to talk with Tucker. Wait—why Tucker?!” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow yelled to other media members. “Don’t talk to him, Christine—Talk to us. Which white Republican touched you this time?!”
Moments later all the major networks had gone live as they surrounded the victim, eager to hear the story.
“Christine, it’s us. The always reliable press. Please, tell us who abused you,” Rachel Maddow whispered while grabbing Bobulinski’s enormous hands. “Wow girl, have you lost weight?” she asked surprised.
“You gals just won’t believe what I’ve been through. This is Kavanaugh—times ten!” Bobulinski began in a high-pitched voice as all the media gasped and leaned in intensely. “Every disgusting and raunchy detail is right here in these documents!”
“Alright, let me see these juicy details,” Maddow said rubbing her hands together before grabbing the papers from Bobulinski.
“It says here that from 1979 to 2019 Joseph R. Biden funneled 4.3 billion dollars into offshore accounts by selling out America to China,” she said looking at the documents with a bewildered look. “Hey! Where’s all the sex stuff?! This is just mounds of bank records, text messages, and proof of corruption!”
“HA! Got ya!” Bobulinski yelled whipping off his wig and dancing around Maddow.
“NO! I would never report truthfully on a Democrat!” Maddow screamed as the gravity of her situation set in.
But it was too late for Rachel Maddow. Within moments she had been fired from MSNBC and she promptly converted to conservatism. Starting Monday she’ll begin her podcast on The Daily Wire.
Update: It was learned Bobulinski got this whole idea from the real Blasey Ford’s new how-to book, No Memory, No Evidence, No Problem! How To Become A Media Darling Using Only Explosively False Accusations.