As the fires that consumed local businesses begin to die down, Los Angeles Mayor, Eric Garcetti believes the protestors deserve a special prize for their actions. That is why the mayor has announced a series of deep and swift cuts to the LAPD.
Because Garcetti is a devout liberal and does not have a keen grasp on how a budget works, he was prepared to cut ‘roughly $1.2 zillion’ from law enforcement. “Using the money once allocated for those yucky police officers, we will instead form a group of people—possibly armed, who will be required to keep the peace in exchange for a salary.”
Shortly after Garcetti explained that police officers can ‘kiss their paychecks goodbye’, it was none other than Colin Kaepernick who stood up with his hand stretched out.
“Can I have it?” Kaepernick said softly to the mayor. “The $1.2 zillion, can I have it?”
As Kaepernick began sensing that Garcetti was being a bit reluctant to hand over the cash, the QB decided to use his secret weapon. A weapon he had only used six times earlier that day. As Colin began to kneel, he slowly pointed at the mayor.
“You are a rac…” he began to say before Garcetti loudly interrupted him.
“A RAChel Maddow fan—oh, yeah. You got me! Love me some Rachel Maddow,” the mayor blurted out before quietly agreeing to wire the money to Kaepernick’s bank account.