Business Owner Repairs Storefront Using Only White Privilege

Business Owner Repairs Storefront Using Only White Privilege

The morning after the mostly peaceful riots, which left hundreds dead, Minneapolis coffee shop owner, Jake McJacobson arrived at his shop to find it more damaged and mangled than Jerry Nadler’s belt.   

An oddly upbeat McJacobson recapped the morning. “I said, ‘What in the dickens happened here?’  It looks like the Democratic National Convention ripped through here or something.”

In a way, Jake was right.  The protestors had dutifully fulfilled a touching tribute to George Floyd by burning “Wake-up With Jake-up!” down to a crisp.

Estimates to repair the storefront were hundreds of thousands of dollars, with months of manual labor needed.  But Jake was white and he wanted his coffee shop back now.  So he did what any reader of the Glorious American would do.  He simply used his white privilege and, voila, his store was beautifully refurbished!

If you’re a white reader, you need no explanation of how this miracle came to pass.  However, for the sake of thorough journalism; Mr. McJacobson got the ball rolling by waiting for one of the major insurance companies to call him.

“I sat there for what seemed like forever.  Then finally, after three minutes, State Farm called me,” Jake recalled.  “Even though I’ve never had insurance through them, they were able to see I had a GAP credit card which immediately enrolled me into the white privilege accommodation package.  That was yesterday and the store was up-and-running this morning.”