Speaking at a private event in Singapore, former President Obama explained that he believes women make better leaders than men.
“Now women, I just want you to know: You are not perfect. But those of you who are ferocious, feminist, fire breathing, liberal democrats…you’re better than us,” he said laughing.
Obama went on to say that, aside from worldwide nuclear war for a few days each month, women would be “far better leaders than men.”
This idea was news to President Trump.
“Wrong!” Trump informed the group of reporters. “There’s a word that Obama is forgetting as it relates to women. An ugly word—some even say the ugliest word and it’s called: ‘cooties’.”
Trump, now slightly leaning forward and shifting his hands as if he were shaping clay on a pottery wheel, went even further.
“I wish it weren’t the case with women, I really do. I wish God hadn’t made girls crawling with cooties but that wasn’t up to me. And it’s with great sadness I must disagree with Obama on this one.”
Update: Shortly thereafter, President Trump signed an executive order mandating our healthcare system recognize cooties as a pre-existing condition.