Donald Trump has appointed the Charmin Bears to run the Department of Environmental Protection Agency.
The President’s reasoning for the appointment was simple; “Have you seen those bears clean?” Trump said in the press conference. “I mean, if they can clean our nation like they do those hineys, we’ll be in tremendous shape!” he concluded.
Reports are the bears landed the job by showing Trump simulated footage of other EPA candidates wiping up an oil spill and then compared it to how the Charmin Bears would wipe it clean. “The Bears were nearly twice as absorbent,” Trump commented. “Easy call.”