While Dr. Fauci has been frustrating Americans with his ever-changing criteria for re-opening America, his goal post moving has caught the eye of the NFL.
“We’re always on the lookout for talent. Even with our equipment managers,” NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell said in an announcement. “We’ve never seen anything like this. First, he said we needed to flatten the curve to be sure the hospitals aren’t overrun, and then BOOM! We’ve got to wait for a vaccine. There’s not a better goal post mover in America. We simply must have him.”
Dr. Fauci is happy to leave the world of medicine and sign a huge contract with the NFL. “I can’t wait to get out there. If I can exasperate kickers as much as I’ve exasperated small business owners, I think I’ll do a great job,” the doctor said. “Plus I’ve been stealing Dr. Birx’s scarfs and they said I can use those if there’s a flag on the play. And trust me, I’ll be throwing a lot of flags.”
Update: After reviewing Dr. Fauci’s guidelines, the NFL is now worried they will not begin the season until ‘phase 32’, thus putting the doctor’s lucrative payday in jeopardy.
“Actually, we can re-open now!” Dr. Fauci quickly screamed upon hearing the news.
“Look at him go. Moving the ol’ goal post again. The best in the biz,” Rodger Goodell whispered in admiration.