Several days after the Thanksgiving feast, America’s millennials are still disappointed that Tide Pods were not on the menu.
Many Americans were bracing for the uncomfortable political talk that often happens during the Thanksgiving meal, but few predicted the fighting would instead be over whether or not to serve deadly laundry detergent to their loved ones.
“Look at it! It’s purple!” Dylan Montgomery of Glendale, Arizona screamed at his Aunt. “That means it tastes like grape, probably!” he screamed in protest.
“We’re probably the smartest generation since the ice age and we keep getting short-changed,” Dylan told The Glorious American. “First we’re not allowed to vote in elections for some reason and now we’re deprived of our favorite foods for the holidays, too?!”
Dylan went on to imagine a day where everything was right with America.
“Is it so much to ask for a world where Trevor Noah is President and citizens can finally pour thick, heaping ladles of Tide Pod sauce over their mashed potatoes? GOSH!” he yelled before sprinting to his room.