Every science textbook (published after 2019) teaches us that gender is so fluid, it’s wise to always have a mop and towel handy in case it spontaneously changes.
Houston’s Alex Hathaway learned this the hard way on Saturday after he allowed his co-workers to pick his karaoke song.
“They picked Shania Twain’s Man, I Feel Like A Woman as a joke and I just belted out the lyrics without thinking,” Alex said getting emotional. “The second I finished I had unknowingly transitioned. My biology must have heard me say I ‘felt like a woman’ and that’s all it took.
Alex, who now goes by Alexandria, has reluctantly accepted her new life as a woman. She has already totaled three cars, spent over $12,000 on Etsy, and has taken four gigabytes of selfies.
Alexandria’s experience is not new. The lyrics of the popular Shania Twain song recently replaced the pledge of allegiance in all Portland school districts.
“It’s an amazing song. There’s not a single biological male left on campus,” reported a teacher. “I would give anything for my idiot Trump-loving dad to sing along!”
Update: The CDC is aware of the effect the Shania Twain song has and they are now recommending gender reassignment surgery and 60ccs of estrogen be immediately administered to whoever sings along.