It looks like America may have seen the last of ol’ Joe for a while. The DNC announced Thursday that, in a totally normal strategic move, they’ve decided to place Biden under a medically-induced coma until moments before the election results are in.
The decision came after Biden agreed to do an interview on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, but was under the impression that the title of the show would be the only dialogue.
“Yeah, well good morning to you too,” A cheerful Biden said to Joe Scarborough. “Welp, I’ll see ya later,” Biden said as he stood up and began taking off the microphone clipped to his shirt. However, to his surprise, he was asked to take a seat and provide twenty straight minutes of detailed policy proposals.
“We knew it was time to place Joe under a coma when he turned to his wife and yelled, ‘HOW’D MY SISTER GET IN HERE?’” DNC Chair Tom Perez told the Glorious American.
Some Democrats have been critical of the decision, believing the “Sleepy Joe” narrative will play right into Donald Trump’s hands. However, when these same cynics were asked if they felt Biden should be conscious and free to speak his mind for the remainder of the campaign, many of them screamed, ‘[expletive] no!’