During yesterday’s White House press briefing, Jim Acosta was asked to stop trying to sell ‘fish tank cleaner’ smoothies to members of the media.
“You heard the President say it loud and clear, you guys!” Acosta yelled to the press. “He said, and I quote, ‘just guzzle down a whole bunch of fish tank cleaner and you’ll be cured of the virus!’”
The press gasped loudly and most of them quickly agreed with Acosta. “That’s 100% true! He DID say that!” April Ryan yelled.
Soon the media members began forming a line in front of Jim’s smoothie stand as Acosta informed everyone to settle down and stop pushing. “There’ll be enough fish tank cleaner for everyone!”
President Trump was not pleased with Jim’s stunt. “Don’t do it,” he said into the microphone. “John, don’t you take a big drink of that—oh. Well. You just drank that,” Trump sighed at ABC’s Jonathan Karl. “Wow. The situation you’re in now, Johnny? Some would say… not so good.”
Finally, the press took their seats, but their bellies were too sluggish with fish tank cleaner smoothies to bicker with the President. For the first time since taking office, the While House gave a friction-free press conference as most of the press was focused on not dying.