Mt. CRUMPIT — Medical experts now have strong cause to believe that the Grinch suffered from a massive case of myocarditis following his third Johnson & Johnson shot.
Before the discovery, it was widely assumed that the Grinch’s heart rapidly grew three sizes because of his newfound understanding of the meaning of Christmas.
“Unfortunately, we see no evidence of that,” a doctor sadly reported. “It was definitely the vaccine. We can tell because his heart broke the little measuring device. A classic telltale sign of a nasty Johnson & Johnson reaction.”
The Grinch’s heart gained national attention after Tucker Carlson highlighted the incident Tuesday night.
“If they can do that to the Grinch’s heart. Believe me. They can do it to you. Perhaps they already have. In the name of SCIENCE!” Tucker emphasized sarcastically before exploding into laughter that lasted only one second.
While the Grinch is lucky to be alive, much of Whoville cannot say the same.
“In the early 50’s we used the people of Whoville to test the vaccine,” Dr. Fauci admitted. “Did they all grow deformed faces and irregular hair patterns? Technically, yes. But anyone suggesting it was due to the vaccine is a conspiracy theorist. And I swear on my life. I will never be convinced otherwise. Not in a million trillion years!”
Update: Three minutes later, Dr. Fauci admitted it was definitely the vaccine that deformed all citizens of Whoville.
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