Doctor Confirms Bernie Has Built A Huge Movement, Recommends Fiber

Doctor Confirms Bernie Has Built A Huge Movement, Recommends Fiber

MONTPELIER, VT — Fresh off a month-long press junket promoting his new book, Capitalism Just Doesn’t Work: And I’ll Tell You Why For $39.99, Bernie Sanders began experiencing some mild pain in his abdomen and went in to have it checked out.

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“So Mr. Sanders, it appears you’ve built up quite a movement,” Dr. Jacobs informed.

“Yes—Good. I’m aware of that. But about this pain,” Bernie asked, rubbing his belly.

“Oh, yes. I’ve seen movements before, but what you’ve built up is… it’s astounding, really,” replied Dr. Jacobs.

A frustrated Sanders then asked how his discomfort could be related to his political rallies. To which the doctor replied, “That depends. Are there a lot of bananas at your rallies?”

“Tons of bananas,” Bernie confidently said.

“Well, there’s your problem, big guy!” Dr. Jacobs said, lightly tapping his clipboard against Sanders’ knee. The doctor then explained that because Bernie’s movement was both massive and solid, he would write him a prescription for the fiber used in zoos for large, constipated gorillas.

This sentence left the Senator both incredibly flattered and confused.

“Damn, pharmaceutical… billionaires…” mumbled Sanders quietly as he headed for the door.

“Oh, one important thing Mr. Sanders,” the doctor said. “This is the same prescription I wrote for Eric Swalwell. So, ya know… be careful when you’re giving MSNBC interviews.”

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